House of Memories

It's 4 AM, I can't sleep. It's jet lag I guess. Whoever said it's a small world obviously did not sit in a flight for 10 hours to get from one country to another. And that was only half the journey.
A long summer lies ahead. A break well needed and deserved begins. A wait that has lasted long enough lives its final stages.
So much peace with in the soul.
No restlessness, living in the present moment with no gravity pulling me to the past and no illusions walking me to the future.
No needs that need fulfillment by others.
Seeing lives change around me; some beginning new eras, some ending old ones.
In the city where I spent most of my life; where everything has a history to it.
This house where I grew up. Now, I visit it like a visitor.
My room where every drawer had a collection of something that was dear to my heart; now, it lies abandoned. It's tenant; the maid.
The garden outside; where cousins and siblings made a play bakery with cakes made from mud. It lies arid, with no water to even create mud.
Every Friday, I would help my father in gardening. I didn't learn much gardening but it sure planted some great memories of time spent together.
The large space around the house; how many games of hide n seek have I played here.
The black chairs in the veranda; I sure go back a long way with them. I have a picture of myself when I was a year old on those chairs. Through out my school years, I would wait every morning for my school bus on these very chairs. And today, I walk past them like a stranger.
The living room in which I have learnt about family, seen family members interact, my classroom to learn about the intricacies of human relationships, the duality of human beings, the beauty and ugliness of blood relationships.
My memories of my deceased grandfather lie in this room. My memories of my deceased aunt also prance here.
How these memories seem so mine and yet so detached.
The dining room; how many get togethers with friends has it hosted. How many b'day have I celebrated in it....I clearly remember each one from my 10th b'day to my 21st b'day being celebrated in this dining room. With always some close friends, a sibling, our maid, my parents and a few relatives.
These 18 stairs; I still remember when we first moved in, I was just in second grade. I was thrilled to be in a house with stairs. I would count them countless times in a day. It allowed me to practice my counting skills and excited me every time to know it had 18 stairs.
I played my first challenging jumping games on these stairs. From being able to jump from just 4 steps, I graduated to 15 steps. Wasn't that an achievement in my young mind.
These tall walls, how they seem so over powering and yet so protective.
If life is a learning ground; then this house is the classroom where I spent the most time and met the most characters.
How one house can store such a magnitude of memories, how it still feels more homely than any other home.
It's the house from where I derived the concept of home.
No matter where I go, where I am...It will always be my house, my home.

To Whom I Owe It All...

Maybe some times I forget to thank you for the so many things that happen. Though, I speak to you verbally everyday; today I want to write to you.
I want to be sure that I have given my true feelings a physical body.
I've known you soo long but only really reached out to you some 11 years ago. I still remember how I was just 10 years old, and was very upset about some trivial isue that seemed of paramount importance back then. I could only think of you to turn to and I'm so glad I did.
In this world where promises are broken and faith is shattered more easily than glass thrown from above; I learnt to only trust you. It's amazing how that trust in you completes me enough that I don't miss not trusting others.
Maybe you sometimes think I only turn to you or remember you when I'm in crisis...Sometimes, I feel like maybe I'm selfish when it comes to you. I only want to take from you without giving but that's what is so unique about my relationship with you. I don't have to keep a record of whose giving and taking.
You've seeen me in times that no one in this world has. You've seen me crying myself to sleep, when the depths of my heart were hurting. You've seen me cringing in frustration when my darker side was getting the bettter of me. You know when a thought is born in my mind, you know when an emotion decides to control me. You know the whitest parts of my heart as well as the blackest.
But, I want you to know something that I find really beautiful bout "us". When in need, in crisis, in pain, anguish..you're the FIRST name on my lips. I'm sure you're the first name for millions out there but out of the million names out there, your name is the first for me.
I love how everytime I ask you for anything, you give it to me and if you don't, then you give me the serenity of knowing that there is something better out there for me.
Thank you for guiding me to those paths of life where a lesson awaits me, thank you for caring for me when the lesson I learnt was painful.
Above all, thanks for giving me the composure to deal with the ups and down of life with nonchalance and maturity.
You know something..I know when you're upset or unhappy with me. I don't know how you do it but without saying a word, your anger or discontent is fully conveyed to me. I'm sure you find it totally insane how I try justifying and explaning my silliest, most obnoxious actions to you. But, somewhere deep down, I really do believe that you'll understand and forgive me.
I know this will sound very presumptous, but I only dare to take this liberty with you...I think I'm your favourite. Why else would you always listen to me, help me, guard me when I really don't deserve it. There are so many others out there who are much better than me but I feel like you give me elite treatment. Look, that's how much you've spoilt me.
I want you to know something..You're the ONLY one whose love I'm so sure about. Tomorow if no one was to be there for me..I know YOU will.
Everytime I raise my hands to you, you're always there to touch them with your magic.
Thanks for making miracles happen in my life.
I sometimes can not keep pace with the roller coaster pace of my life but I forget to thank you for giving me a life that has so much in it. There are people out there who spend their whole lives doing nothing or the same thing.
I think I've written too much for a first note. But, I could write a book and it still would not do justice to my infinite love for you, to how much you've given me.
For all this and so much more, I want to thank you God.
I love you very much and I know you love me too. You just don't say it, you prove it.
I'm going to bed. I might be too busy to say it tomorow so let me thank you in advance for another day of life......

Your Favorite,
Hiba:)